Why I Won’t Spank My Daughter #guest
I was spanked as a child and I learned that a raised hand and voice is what I deserve when I voice my own opinion or go against what someone else feels is best for me.
I never learned respect in a ruler or wooden spoon. I never learned respect in bruises or bloody noses. I never learned respect in yelling or threats. I learned to fear the people who were supposed to protect me, to love me, to be gentle with my body and my heart. I learned respect in mutuality.
I learned respect in relationships I experienced as I grew older; in the people who asked me if I was okay with them touching my shoulder. I learned respect in the people who chose not to raise their voice at me when my crying became too loud in my sleep, but woke me and told me that I would be okay.
Yes, I’d be okay.
I’ll always be okay, but I didn’t learn respect from the people who told me not to cry, not to make enough noise to alert the neighbors. “We can’t have the cops here again” “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”. These things I heard as a child conditioned me to later think that I deserved to be hit and screamed at when I made my own choices, spoke my own opinions, said “no, I do not want this”.
The “punishments” I knew as a child later became my self doubt, my years of thinking my abusers and attackers were justified because I disobeyed and went against their wishes. When I refuse to hit my daughter as punishment, I am not depriving her of a way to learn respect. I am teaching her that I respect her, her body, and her life. I am setting the stage for a mutual respect. I am setting the stage for her to respect herself.
Why I won’t spank my daughter.
