Was My Cab Driver High? Based On A #TrueStory
People Eat Bullshit For Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner and Fart out Facts That Smell Funny
First time in Boston and this cab driver picks me up, he is talking like 24/7.
I just want to see Boston, but he is talking and talking. Then he enters into politics and asks me if I saw the Republican Debates the night before. I tell him no … as if that would stop him from talking. His next response … vintage yapper!
“Well you should have seen it, they were ganging up on Donald Trump and he just batted them aside … yap yap yap”
Donald Trump wants to turn our jails into schools, Donald Trumps wants to increase the minimum wage, and remove taxes for Blacks.
And I am just in the cab like … “when did Trump become a Democrat.”
If this was UBER I would have politely asked him to increase the music and shut the fork up, but this was YELLOW CAB, original YELLOW CAB so I had to endure the yapping. With “uh” “hmmm” “okay” safe answers to disguise the fact that Trump annoys me.
But he goes on and on, talks about how he was a weight lifter in the 1976 Olympics, and how he went to Kenya and a lion jumped over the fence and bit his hand, and then the lion died on the spot from Osteoporosis!
At that point I thought I was going to be kidnapped or that I had been drugged … or I was being punked or was WEED now legal in Boston? The stories just were not making any sense. Like Alice in Wonderland, it was Ofili in Bostonland and the rabbit hole happened to be a Yellow Cab driven by a crazy driver.
Then the kicker, he told me how at the 1994 USA WorldCup a bunch of Nigerian soccer players who loved America so so much ran away after they lost to Italy. Their Nation could not find them, so they got the American government to hunt their Athletes down and were able to track them after using their Credit Card bills. As a Nigerian I knew this was complete bullshit, even Alice would have screamed Bullshit. Amuneke, Amokachi, Eguavoen and the rest of the Nigerian team were multi-millionaires playing for big foreign clubs at that time.
That’s when I realized he was just merging stories “The Usual Suspects Style.” Because what he was indeed referring to was the 2012 London Olympic games where some Cameroonian and Ivorien athletes went missing. Somehow he had merged the 1994 and 2012 stories so much that what came out was a quagmire of bullshit. Perhaps that’s why he somehow believed Trump was a democrat.
And then I realized this, people can take two facts and merge them to together to create their own clean lie and sell it as facts. And when they repeat it over and over again it starts to make sense in their head.
They eat bullshit for breakfast, lunch and dinner and fart out facts that smell funny, and its our moral duty to tell them that it smells funny before it takes a life of its own and runs for President of the United States of America or ends up driving you around Boston!
Words by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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