5 Reasons Why I Hate My Very Special* Birthday
Birthdays! That very special occasion that happens once every year to practically everybody in the world!
It’s a time when people get to wish you happy birthday or just write it on your wall. We all look forward to our birthdays.
Except me! Or any one of the 590 million (number completely made up) people who are born on special days! Special* days like Christmas Jesus Birthday, Valentine’s Day or if you are like me … Nigeria’s Independence day!
But before you judge me and write me off as a sadistic hater of all things good. Read the “5 Reasons Why I Hate My Very Special* Birthday”
#1 Robbed Childhood
As a child I never got to celebrate my birthday in either nursery or primary school. And do you know why?!
Because my birthday fell on a public holiday. So that meant that even if I showed up to school with a cake nobody would show up.
Instead I would be left to celebrate my birthday with my family … don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But I still would have loved to have one day … just one day to celebrate my birthday in school, and have my teachers and classmates hug me and make me feel special. But I was robbed instead …
#2 Abused Childhood
So yes … while in Nursery and Primary school, I was never able to celebrate my birthday in school because nobody showed up. Sadly and very sadly the reverse was the case in Secondary school..boarding house to be precise!
As is tradition in Secondary school, you got hugged flogged on your birthday.
For those lucky enough to have their birthday fall on school days … you could mitigate your flogging by dodging in class in the daytime and only getting flogged at night.
But not those of us born on special* days … we were thrown into the steel cage of boarding house and left to protect ourselves for 24 hours of attempted flogging! And where were the teachers to protect us? You guessed it…on holidays!
#3 Combined Gifts/Celebration
They give people rice and chicken on your birthday, but you are not sure if the rice and chicken is for you or for Jesus! Even the cake is suspect!
Let’s not forget the guests that show up for Jesus birthday but will act like they came for your birthday. And let’s not talk about the music….
Your birthday DJ will mix Yvonne Chaka Chaka with Jingle Bells just so he pleases both you and baby Jesus. Anyway you look at it, it is a lose lose situation.
But the worst part…the very worst part! Is the gift combination. Those born on February 14th and December 25th will understand!
Instead of getting a special gift on valentine’s day and then another on your birthday, your gift will be combined into one. So for every year of your life, you will be robbed off several gifts. Can you imagine how many Ipads or free money you have lost because of this! Can you imagine!
#4 Annoying Nicknames
Nigerian Baby, Valentine Baby, Christmas Baby or Easter Baby. If you are born on September 29th, you don’t get a stupid nick-name like that. But we sad individuals born on special* days get specially retarded baby nick-names! I just can’t!
#5 Everyone Remembers Your Birthday But Get Mad When You Forget Theirs
I know what you are thinking!
What on earth is wrong with people remembering your birthday.
Absolutely nothing!
Except of course you are born on a special day (like mine), in which case everybody tends to remember your birthday…everybody. It normally starts like this …
hmmm I am home all alone (public holiday and all), o it’s October 1st. I know who was born on October 1st, we used to beat his ass extra hard in Secondary school. Let me give him a call to see how he is doing, after all I have all this free time …
Again don’t get me wrong I appreciate the calls. But please realize that because you remembered my birthday, I am not obligated to remember your September 23rd or July 15th … I have bad memory and those dates are quite forgettable. So don’t be looking at me funny because you remembered mine and I forgot yours.
Besides the only reason you remembered is likely because my birthday is special! Which come to think of it, is not so bad after all.
At the end of the day we all just have to enjoy our birthday anyhow we get it …
PS: For my birthday, I want to help someone out, someone that is making a difference in the community. If you know of any such person do let me know below. Looking forward to your suggestions, be awesome!
Written by Okechukwu Ofili of ofilispeaks.com
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